She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
