i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
