just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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