PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
