1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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