The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
