why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
