kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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