At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
