i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
