Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
