Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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