Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
