News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We have so much sex to catch up on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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