windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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