I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
