actually, I'm a sock model
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
