You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
