your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
