if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
