So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
