So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
