Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
