I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
