My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
