I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
