"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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