so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
