are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
