I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
