How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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