Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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