No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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