I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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