I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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