how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
