she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
