Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
