Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
