Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
