Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
