I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
