Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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