so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
