You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize