guys are not supposed to queef...right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
