I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
