Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
