apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize