I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
