Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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