just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
