Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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