I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
