I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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