eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize