I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
