i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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