she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
