my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
