i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
