His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
