u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
