I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
