Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
