Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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