When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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