when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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