someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
