it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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