he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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