i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
