In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
